Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Cry, cry.

Jonnie Comet


Can you hear the mother cry;
Cry, cry, mother;
Baby on her back doth lie
With some man or another.
Baby take what mother give,
Calling it initiative;
‘Mamá, this is how I live;
‘Bye-bye, Mother.’
 
A sixmonth: sixteen; what’s amiss?
’Fore the mirror weeping;
No swimsuit will flatter this;
Nature’s way is keeping.
Rush from school to clinic free:
‘R-U-4-8-6 for me!’
Doctor says, ‘Too late, you see:
‘Midnight, come a-creeping.’

Oh! –all agony, no pride,
Heels in stirrups snaring;
Motherhood thus nullified
With medical paring.
Fair trade? –for but three weeks’ pain
To avoid the peers’ disdain,
And to wear swimsuits again
With the boys all staring?
 
Can you hear the baby coo?
Cry, cry, mother;
No; that joy’s denied, for you
Cast away that bother.
Now all babies’ bliss a knell
Not of heav’n, but closer Hell;
In your Purgatory dwell:
Fie, fie, ‘Mother’!


- 2002

* * *


l. 14 - RU-486 - in former days, a ‘morning-after’ contraceptive pill whose role as an inducer of abortion has been debated. The narrator’s request for it at this point shows her lack of sense about the issue

The ballad of Bonnie Good.

Jonnie Comet
from Pamela; or: Virtue Reclaimed

 

When I was just a bonny lass
A-dandled on my mother’s knee,
She wept and gave these words to me:
‘Your papa’s gone, gone by the war.’

Alone, forlorn, she brought a son
His father’s likeness, fine & free;
But one day wept and said to me,
‘Your brother’s gone, gone by the war.’

Thence married me to cobbler Good,
Who took his duty, o’er the sea
Till sergeant knocked and said to me,
‘Your husband’s gone, gone by the war.’

Thus father, brother, husband gone;
My son a man, their mirror be;
Came he unto me, reverently:
‘Mamá, I must go for the war!’

I held my heart, stood firm, and cried: 
 ‘No child of mine, thy father’s pride;
  Thy uncle’s, grandpa’s dream beside,
  Thy mother’s only hope and joy,
  So bold a man, so young a boy,
  Shall will thy mother’s fears annoy;
  Thus take no musket, pistol, blade,
  In futile hope or fusillade:
  No more, no more, the proud cockade:
  I’ll see no more mine gone by war.’


- August 2000

* * *

Last will.

From the Author, to his Children, should he go mad in Age.

Jonnie Comet


When I one day may cease to be my own,
But coming under some less thoughtful mind,
As Swift, once sad arrayed for friends to find
An old, mad, blind, despised, and dying crone;
A Soul forgot, all Reason lost, or one
Scant Ghost of what he was, mem’ry resigned:
Regarding me but thus, Child, pray, be kind,
And my afflicted form discard alone.

For, whate’er my outward state, recall
That thy once minded father loved thee well,
Bear God no ill, for ‘tis but temp’ral hell:
Let not by eyes thy better heart enthrall.

  We are but dust: to dust let Bodies tend;
  And by thy Love thus skyward me commend.


-
4 April 2000


* * *

l. 3 - Swift  - Swift went raving mad and was exhibited babbling in his chair by his servants –JC
l. 4 - An old... dying  -  paraphrased from Shelley, ‘England in1819

An apology, for 'Virtue Reclaimed'.

The Pammy premise....


Jonnie Comet

23 June 1999

‘Merit should be chiefly placed
In Judgement, Knowledge, Wit, and Taste;
And these, she offer’d to dispute,
Alone distinguished Man from Brute.’    –Vanessa

  More boldly than is usual I have been initiating discussions of a new work in progress from my hand; a novel with the working title of Pamela; or: Virtue Reclaimed.  Deliberately to be like Richardson’s 1740 Pamela; or: Virtue Rewarded, probably my favourite book of all time, it is a fictional diary of a young lady ‘in service’. Mine is an updated version of the story, where instead of the cruel manipulating master whom she must forgive, my Pammy has a much more insidious problem within herself.  The story, then, shall deal with how she comes to face her own temptations and rise, like the Mr B of Richardson’s book, to a new level of propriety, respectability, and Godliness.  
  The heroine’s father abandoned the household when she was two and her deceptively celibate mother forced her own man-hating precepts upon her all her life.  The narration starts just as Pammy, an effervescent prodigy with 170+ IQ, and the sweet, good-natured Vicki, the youngest of a good Catholic family and Pammy’s childhood ‘blood-sister’ and soulmate, come to America from Australia as exchange students to the Cs in Delaware.  Inspired by the recent acquisition of a Macintosh computer, which seems to accompany her everywhere, Pammy has begun a very detailed, honest, and startlingly introspective journal which may apparently be her life’s one great opus. 
  
  The Cs (you never hear their last name, as in Richardson’s book, in which the diarist endeavours to keep ‘Mr B’ anonymous– as if she could) are the most enigmatic part of the story– a very contradiction in terms. The father, not known as John Paul Caprici, is an old character of mine of whom I wrote in the 1980s and then gave over but have since resurrected as an adult.  Born on a Wednesday, he is ‘full of woe’– Pammy will call him ‘the man of sorrows’.  He was a member of a rock band on Long Beach Island in the late 1970s but lost a beloved fiancee in a tragic plane crash in 1980 and, distraught, sold off the beachfront property intended for their honeymoon cottage, broke up the band, made a few enemies in the process, and fled to London to immerse himself in music-production work and a rakish lifestyle.  Following the death of his father he met Lisa in New Jersey, who is an angel.  Eager to leave his spate of recklessness behind, he retires to a gentleman’s country life at a very nice authentic Colonial-style spread on the bay beach at Lewes.  
  
  Lisa embodies everything good and Christian about women, and as the mother of the two little girls whom Pammy and Vicki are to mind as live-in exchange students, becomes a very good influence on the heretofore ill-guided Pammy. Vicki feels homesick and departs one December leaving Pammy alone, who chooses to not return to her mother but to attend high school and then UD in Delaware.  Her mother, acknowledging Pammy’s reasons, recognises that her daughter’s academic prowess and literary demeanour would be better served here than at UQ, where at home ‘everyone’ goes (Queensland has a mundane English literature programme), and signs her over as ward to the Cs.  Gradually the humble, dutiful, scholarly Pammy achieves a somewhat ambiguous relationship in the household, something akin to a younger sister to Mrs C, an older one to the girls, and a niece or almost daughter to Mr C; she admits often that she feels like she’s living with her ‘faery godparents’.  
  The conflict Pammy faces is over her own sexuality.  Seduced by a deceitful female school-friend at age 14 she has never been fully confident since.  She readily recognises that having been intimate with the Catholic Vicki, who was too remorseful with guilt to allow it to continue, was morally wrong, but it is like an addiction that she cannot help and it undermines her self-worth.  Over the second third of the story she develops an abject fear of being ‘found out’ and losing the respect the Cs have for her, and the trust they have in her with their two little girls. In at least one way however she is far stronger than she believes.  She embodies my own view that most of what liberals call ‘sexual preference’ is just that– a matter of choice rather than a natural (as in genetic) determination.  Whether the inclination is adopted freely or under subtle, chronic conditioning, as on an immature intellect, is not the issue. Pammy insists that if properly motivated, she can leave behind her corrupt ways and ‘go straight’.  Therefore she repels all ‘politically-correct’ labels for herself, even when reflecting her innermost thoughts in the privacy of her own diary.  Whether this is out of philosophical nobility or denial she cannot say, but despite her profound haughtiness in writing the reader will surmise Pammy is deluding herself.  
  Lisa contracts some unnamed blood disorder in the summer of 1998 and dies unexpectedly in October.  Upon her deathbed she tells the weeping Pammy, ‘I have always believed you were capable of much more than you have done.’  As she labours on in mourning Pammy slowly realises she had never really deceived Mrs C, who probably always suspected her inclination and yet as a true Christian chose to love her anyway, in ways Pammy’s own mother never could have.  Inspired by the faith of a friend she had long underestimated, she must rise out of the moral mire of her sinful existence and endeavour to deserve her keep, both by the decimated C family and by the Shepherd of us all.  
  Therefore the real core of the story is the tedious household arrangement during Mr C’s widowhood, when Pammy, set up with her own apartment in Newark, attends UD with 15-18 credits per term, carries a GPA over 3.7, drives the 75-mile distance between Lewes and Newark every Wednesday afternoon to make dinner and help the little girls with homework, and then returns each weekend to do washing and other chores.  Mr C takes up quarters in the attic to be away from his wife’s room which is kept intact until he must enlist Pammy to clear out her wardrobe.  Under the weight of what’s been lost, Pammy reports, ‘I would rather have spent the same two hours in a nuclear reactor.’ The departed Lisa has now become a saint to her, and though she dares not say so directly, she wishes to emulate her as a Christian and woman in general. The fact is that she does, much more than she realises.  
  The most obvious and yet troubling criticism of the premise of this love story is the hasty assumption of many that no ‘normal’ man could endure in a household with a ‘nubile’ young woman for long after his wife’s death without ‘hitting on her’.  In fact this is exactly what Pammy’s mother cautions her about, prompting Pammy to promise to the heartbroken Mr C– precisely as Jane Eyre promised Rochester– ‘I would stay with any friend.  I will stay with you.’  But I submit that the belief in an inevitable, irresistible consummation of two people thrown together in adversity is too low a view of human potential.  The great problem with modern society is that sexuality has come to the fore and is generally claimed to be the most important influence on our lives.  This belief is Romantic– the idea that one’s own personal perceptions and sensory satisfaction can be more important than absolute truth or absolute good.  But I am no Romantic.  I am only concerned that so many seem to be.  
  My criticism of the world today is that people have grown too trusting of what we see and feel round about us, which is anti-intellectual and subjects the God-given power of Reason beneath the perceptions of inherently flawed physical feelings and senses.  Modern people are no longer interested in the ‘irrelevant’ thought processes of the past, if they are even aware of them.  As a scholar of literature from before the Romantic period I can attest that, whilst in 1999 it may be implausible to expect that a young single woman and an unattached, lonely man can coexist in a household, observing all prior rules of propriety, without their quickly developing a sexual or at least overtly passionate premarital relationship, before 1799 the story I am writing would not only have been perfectly plausible, but the public would have demanded it develop precisely as I do develop it.  
  It is logically and morally dangerous to claim that the capacities of human nature have changed so much since ‘then’, that we know so much more about mankind now, that we were naïve and clueless ‘then’ but are not now.  St Paul says we see in a mirror dimly– meaning all of us, in every time of life, in every time of man.  Not one of us has any better clue about the true capacity of human nature than another.  This is where so many go wrong– they claim, for example, that the Bible reflects a way of thinking then, but is irrelevant now.  That claim is Romantic– it assumes that what is right for one man or one age may not be right for another, totally disregarding the possibility of an absolute truth.  What God has deigned is universal– it cannot change.  What must change is the way mortal and mutable Christians view it, so that we can be more in line with how God would have us think. In this way pure Romanticism is anathema to true Christianity.  
 
  Emerson would justify Pammy’s transgressions in saying that so long as she felt personally satisfied by it there could be no judgement of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in being intimately involved with her childhood friend.  Fortunately I have read enough chivalric and moralist literature to have something to base my arguments on. After Richardson’s 1740 masterpiece in which Pamela reforms her rakish master and marries him respectably, the public raved over it and demanded a sequel just to have more of it. Preachers praised it as the epitome of Christianity put to good earthly use.  The Catholic poet Alexander Pope boldly stated that priests could do far worse than to base sermons on the openly Protestant Pamela– and many took the advice.  Ben Franklin published it in 1744 as the first novel printed in America. Austen, Thackeray, Charlotte Bronte, and even Hardy were profoundly influenced by it; but by the time Romanticism had done its full damage at the close of the 19th century only the most moralistic literati cared a whit for it.  
 
  What I am attempting is to take a major problem of our time– the inane argument over whether any alternate mode of sexuality or morality can be personally prescribed and justified– and put it into a context which leaves little room for doubt.  Pammy has always been a good little girl and has always gone to church and with the Cs, at least at first, she merely follows what she’s been taught.  Like many mainstream Anglicans (a minority in Catholic Queensland) she takes it all for granted. But following Mrs Cs death and searching for some clue about what to do, she discovers the Bible again.  Passages like ‘You are the light of the world’ and ‘Whosoever will not take up his cross and follow me, cannot be my disciple’ haunt her– she knows there is guidance in there somewhere.  So she explains to Dani, her eager young ‘protegee’ (as it were) in Delaware, that she will end their intimacy cold-turkey– and does.  With the understanding Dani’s blessing she begins a single-minded crusade to do nothing for herself and to be the best nanny she can be under the circumstances, caring for the two little lambs who have lost their mother, taking every example of their mother she can.  She denies herself in order to serve others.  She loses half her friends who don’t get it– but recalls Helen’s words to a sceptical young Jane Eyre: ‘If all the world hated you, you would not be without friends.’  
  Deliberately, the very ironic part is that Lisa is 33 when she dies– the perfect angel, the one without blemish, the one whom everyone should look to as a paragon of virtue, who essentially says to Pammy on her deathbed, ‘Love one another, as I have loved you’.  Despite all her book-learning, Pammy will only accept the full gravity of the symbolism when a full year afterwards, at nearly 20, she accepts Mr C’s serious, sober proposal of marriage, which he actually suggests as an expedient way to keep her in the family (and country) after she has become to him the best teammate and the most loyal of friends.  But they both know better.  They are of the same mind on so many things– but are also, after all, flesh and blood too.  It is only that there are procedures to follow for propriety’s sake.  In church that Sunday, as they anticipate speaking to the priest about it, there is a baptism service and the whole concept of rebirth and being ‘sealed as Christ’s own forever’ comes back to Pammy like a boomerang from the Outback.  In a sudden revelation she gets it, and there is a very moving moment when she begs the priest for a penance– having learnt too much from going to Vicki’s church, no doubt– and his only response is to read to her about Jesus at the charcoal fire from Acts and then say that her penance is to ‘feed the lambs’. Pammy knows who the lambs are.  She has been serving them all along.  
  I put everything I know into this story. It is part Jane Eyre, part The Sound of Music, part Emma, and partly Swift’s Cadenus and Vanessa.  It has begun to appear to me more eminently publishable than anything else I’ve written, if only for the incredible breadth of its market (I should love to publish it in installments in some mass-market periodical) and so I am not really working on anything else at the moment.  It is a modern Christian fairy tale, in which the good people are obvious and no-one’s flaws are so awful that they cannot be corrected and forgiven.  Pammy ends up marrying the only one suited for her in every way, a gallant and respectable gentleman of means, the only male role model she has ever known, and her very best friend, in a largely intellectual union of two kindred souls separated by 23 years, but the admiration and affection between them is sincere and there is no doubt they will be well matched till at last one of the loves of Mr C’s life will outlive him.  
  The character of Pammy is a deliberate paradox.  Truly beautiful, she gets called ‘Barbie’ because she looks like a bimbo, but her beauty is juxtaposed with a formidable intellect– as with Vanessa in Swift’s comic epic mentioned earlier (which Pammy quotes from in fact). Young men hate her– they cannot get past her looks to care about what she thinks and so misjudge her.  When they discover how brilliant she really is they can’t reconcile such stirring beauty with such daunting brain power and so are at a loss as to how to deserve her.  She goes through high school and college in the US like Frankenstein’s poor monster, out of place, out of time, an 18th-C Absolutist in a 20th-C Romantic world.  People ask me why I made her so physically striking– it’s simple when you think on it.  In the modern sensory world, for a woman to be both intelligent and beautiful is a liability, even a curse.  Either attribute alone would be easier to take. But as Pammy writes in a sophomore sociology thesis, men are primarily visually stimulated and judge women first on their appearance.  As a man myself I have studied this at great length and have come to be able to put mere looks aside– honest.  It is true that many women are pleasant to look at, but I don’t care.  A beautiful-looking woman is like a work of art– you can take it home and admire how it looks, but you can’t have a satisfying conversation with it. And good conversation ability can last a lot longer than than good looks.  
  Therefore Pammy is fodder for the modern Romantic male-centred misconception that worth is equal to looks– that is, appeal to the senses rather than to the intellect is most valuable.  Pammy appeals both ways and is actually the very best ‘catch’ a rational man could wish for.  The sad thing is, there are precious few rational young men. Thus she represents another of my long-standing beliefs that the dumbest thing a modern girl can do is marry an immature idiot her own age with an earring in his nose. The only truly sensible choice of husbands for an intelligent young woman is an adult who is already established in his station in life and comfortable with being himself.  This is only what everyone believed up till that damnable book Wuthering Heights and the whole Romantic movement in fiction, when emotion took over logic throughout society.  I lament that, for its negative aspects are still with us and show no signs of abating.  This is why I study the 18th century, because it was the middle period in which the good aspects of Passion and the good sides of Reason were melded successfully.  Such a perfect blend is not likely to ever happen again– more to pity.  
  All I am trying to say is that I haven’t made anything up here that’s implausible.  This book is founded on all the precepts I have learnt in school, studied on my own, and lived myself, for all the years I’ve been thinking.  It is not intended to be scholarly, but realistic– the character at times nearly bores the reader with what appear to be trivial details (a trick I got from Dickens, Austen, and even Billy Joel).  What she does not say is as important as what she does.  She is struggling and occasionally admits it, but what she is struggling about does not occur to her till nearly the very end.  She is human and fallible and knows it, and her failings are as authentic as her strengths.  Above all she realises the power of free will, which she must accept and harness in order to follow the will of God.  She does not know the eventual outcome and eventually stops asking God to tell her, leaving it all to Him and reconciling herself to whatever fate He determines for her.  When at last she can do this completely, she will have earned the best reward imaginable.  
  I’m sorry if this is trite and boring; but I can’t abide the ‘film noir’ genre of literature.  Hemingway does not impress me with his tragically hopeless, permanently scarred anti-heroes.  I think the entire premise of that Naturalist, amoral outlook is dangerous to impressionable minds, especially today. It must be remembered that all literature by definition has a teaching component, whether admitted or not by the writer, because the net effect of all reading is that the reader comes away changed in some way from having read it– the same as the definition of education.  My primary concern is how that reader changes.  A good story is not the goal– that is Romantic, to please through perception.  The good story is the means to the end, which is an important lesson.  Failure to accept this on the part of the writer has led to exactly what we have now– an entire culture built on gratifying false ‘needs’ as perceived by flawed people and forgetting more profound issues of life. Any book which seeks to gratify the reader in the ‘here and now’ at the expense of a valuable lesson for posterity abandons the morality of mankind for a quick quid for the writer, which is, of course, socially irresponsible. Any writer that does so is therefore part of the problem, no matter  how materially wealthy he becomes.  
  This is the belief of mine I have long wished others to understand, though often I worry that no-one ever will.  Yes, write– never fail to write– but always place yourself beyond the work, not only into the chair of the reader, but into that of the critic in posterity.  What has your book taught?  What effect does it have beyond the first few readers who say they like it?  Why is it worthy of being remembered after you cease to collect royalties on it?  What will a professor say about it in 200 years?  For as sure as you and I are sitting here the printed word will endure and come back one day to affect someone in a very different time than ours. Literature by its whole definition is not intended to be transitory or ‘for the moment’.  If all you mean to do is please an audience at a sitting and make 6.95 into the bargain each time, you had better hold a lecture up at Loveladies, tell your story, and forbid notes, rather than to ever take out a pen or switch on your computer.  The whole premise of writing it down and publishing it is to make an impact on posterity.  Otherwise, why bother?
  
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epigram  - Merit should be... Vanessa  - J Swift, Cadenus and Vanessa; 1713


The vilest deceit.

Jonnie Comet
17 March 1999


  In an ethical sense the vilest form of deceit is that of marital infidelity, for there can be no moral defence for it. One has only to count the cost in terms of the number of its victims hurt by the deceit to begin to see the point.  First in a case of marital infidelity, the spouse is hurt, naturally.  Then the children are, if there are any.  Then come the family of the spouse, and quite often the family of the deceiver as well– actually everyone who was present at the wedding will feel painfully let down.  Then there are all the people on the third party’s side as well.  Then of course there is God, to whom all promises were made in the first place.  I don’t know about everyone; but I was taught that wilfully breaking a promise to God is not good grounds for a ticket to Heaven.
  What other deceit can compare to this?  Perhaps even high treason is not as ethically unjustifiable.  I acknowledge that in some cases one man’s treason could lead to full-scale war; but at a certain point you’ve got to recognise that, seen in an ethical light, the motives for the deceit necessary for treason might be much more reasonable than they seem in name alone.  I mean, it is possible that treason against the current ideology of one’s own country could be said to be patriotic.  Under certain circumstances it could even be exquisitely noble.
  The IRA may serve as a prime example.  One argument can be that these people have betrayed the very ideals of their own belief system– ideally, who may kill in the name of ideological liberty? –let alone Christian unity?  The IRA have committed countless crimes– and sins– for their cause.  Yet as much as it pains me to admit anything virtuous about the IRA, I have to acknowledge that these people sincerely believe they are trying to achieve a noble end.  They have rationalised that their ends are more important than what they must do to achieve them.  And therefore the pain and suffering they cause must be viewed as unfortunate but temporary, because what they are trying to vindicate is a society; and to them that is far more valuable as a benefit than the loss of numerable human lives are as a cost.
  In that light then, what is the end of an adulterous affair, and how can it be ethically or ideologically justified?  My position is simply that it cannot be.  It is nothing but cowardly to sneak round behind a spouse’s back in the name of sexual fulfillment or emotional freedom or psychological therapy or some other feebly self-centred excuse, all the while endeavouring to convince yourself you are doing the right thing for yourself at last.  Any attempted defence of that is fraught with ethical hypocrisy.  No one person’s individual concept of temporal happiness can ever be considered such a priceless ideal that it should entail the breach of a trust given in front of God and so many witnesses, whilst incurring catastrophic pain and anxiety for so many other individuals, about whose feelings the person was supposed to care deeply, by the deceit.
  I will not now delve into the many reasons why an individual might think himself in a bad marriage, or how such an individual might seek remedies to the root problems of such a marriage short of absolving the entire union.  The individual who regards his own vows and beliefs as fundamental and priceless will keep them upon penalty of death; but this is a rare breed in such in today’s commercial, disposable society.  It must be accepted therefore that to the vast majority of modern people, marriages, and the feelings of the individuals concerned, are seen as cheap and replaceable so long as they can be readily got rid of, and hopefully for some material and personal gain into the bargain.
  Yet no matter how bad a marriage seems, there has always been a legitimate option to staying faithful to one, especially in these post-Vatican II times.  The first excuse proffered might be that a cruel, controlling, vindictive spouse may not be willing to ‘grant’ a divorce.  But that is bollocks.  If such were true then your whole legal insistence on divorce would only benefit from your adherence to a strong ethical stance which makes your adversary look worse.  The spouse may go out and get a good lawyer and intimidate you with the thought that the case will go in favour of the more expensive counsel.  I say, go out and get a better lawyer.  All it takes is money.  In the end the monetary cost is immaterial– it will reap dividends in the trust you earn whilst you are seen to be doing the morally right thing.
  The single worst thing you can do when you perceive yourself in a bad marriage is to begin your ‘new life’ whilst remaining de facto married to another.  To do so is to forfeit all substance and appearance of virtue.  No observer of your extramarital affair can ever comfortably condone it or look upon what you call a ‘plight’ with true compassion.  There is something profoundly disturbing about beholding a deliberate deceit against another which you would never want to suffer yourself.  This is part of the great hypocrisy of infidelity– that to free yourself from your ‘bad’ marriage, you must do to your spouse what would certainly have made you call it a bad marriage if your spouse had done the same to you.  You must hurt someone else in order to save yourself from pain.
  No belief system which can attempt to defend this can ever be said to be a true ‘society’.  The ideal of individual freedom cannot be without limits; and those limits must be in the best interests of society as a whole.  It is incumbent upon the whole concept of a society that no one person may have any right to anything when to exercise that right infringes upon the equivalent rights of other members of the same society.
  To believe otherwise is to defend hypocrisy– which, logically, cannot be defended.  A society based upon the unlimited freedoms of the individual is no more than a society of one.  Any collection of such individuals can lead to a kind of ethical anarchy, a dog-eat-dog world in which no-one can ever be safe from the whims of others.  Despite many individuals’ claims otherwise, the concept of limited personal freedom is at the heart of the official tenets of every so-called ‘free society’ in the world– or, at least, the ones that truly survive as such.
  For one who would consider closing a bad marriage, the only correct thing when confronted with the opportunity for an affair is to appeal to the third party’s patience.  Say, ‘Hold that thought, whilst I extricate myself from Situation Number One.’  Don’t even talk about an affair– not even once, in a public place, over coffee.  To court even the idea of breaking the marriage vows is to have already done so.
  Now I know that inherent in this is a risk of going through all the trouble to extricate yourself from a bad match only to find, once free, that your intended paramour is no longer interested– in which case you will feel that you have lost twice.  But in this risk is the nobility of fidelity, if not to your undesirable marriage partner, at least then to a standard of morality.  Desperately trying to play two games at the same time for fear of losing at one before you have got the other assured is cowardly and immature– after all, most teenagers get it wrong too.
  It takes great courage to stand up and say, ‘I believe this is bad, therefore I shall make getting out of it my first priority– but I will not transgress morality to do it.’  In such one-on-one personal matters the ends cannot be made to justify the means, for, ethically speaking, the means themselves are the ends.  Your method of pursuing your own happiness will ultimately be your own happiness, and vice versa.  You may yet incur the sadness of others by seeking a divorce; but at least those left to suffer behind you will not have had the heartbreak of finding you a traitor to their trust as well.
  It is a truth universally accepted that there can be no promise of goodness without risk of suffering.  Anyone who tells you differently is selling something– and I submit that, in the long run, when viewed rationally, the cost you do not recognise now will prove morally too expensive before long; for, in the end, no-one trusts a traitor.



* * *

Old soldiers’ home.

Jonnie Comet


I wandered in one summer sweet,
Quite pleased to find the lawn so neat;
The place stone quiet, I alone
Sat down before my father’s feet.

I told him what was on my mind,
And he made answer, of a kind;
Our mutual sentiments thus known,
I left refreshed, and he, resigned.

And as I strolled out ‘neath the trees,
I heard the Flag snap in the breeze;
Some distant warbird’s noble drone
Gave anxious obligations ease.

For I know well these aged men
Who served in wars’ dark horror then,
Despite all threat to breath and bone;
Their valour e’er inspires my pen.

I owe them all a greater debt
Than humble beds can meet, and yet
Amid the grass, and trees, and stone,
Like Daddy, they abide, well-met.
 

- 8 March 1997

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l. 11 - warbird - affectionate nickname for a retired military airplane –JC